Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My Kids are Making Me Fat

My kids are making me fat. I am sure of it.

I have never been a skinny girl, but there was a time in my life I was a lot thinner than I am now. (And yes, I complained about my weight then, but I would kill to get back there now!)
Yes, that was pre-kids, but it was also pre-Romeo. After the first two boys, I was able to drop back down to my pre-baby size.
Since then, it has been all uphill. In spite of diet changes, in spite of exercise. Even my Wii thinks I am fat. My Mii looked shocked and dismayed when it was forced to go from chubby to "obese' this week.
Is that going to motivate me to work out, Wii Sports, or is that going to make me run to the fridge? Hmmmm?

I digress.

My friend, Christy, sent me this article from Skinny Ms. (looooove the crock pot recipes on this site!) about the reasons why one may have trouble losing weight. Since I am doing everything else, I am going to boil it down to the 5th, 7th, and 10th reasons on this list (but for some weird reason, they are all numbered 1....).

Reason 5 - not enough sleep
Not since the Monkey was born. He is 3 1/2 now.  He waked up at the same early time every morning, regardless of when he goes to bed.


Reason 7 - Stress
Would stress mean teaching my 12-year-old about Puritans as a pre-lesson for The Scarlet Letter, only to find out 5 minutes into it that he was not listening to one word I was saying. Not exactly life-affirming.
Or would that be Christmas Eve, at the Children's Liturgy mass I was helping out, when the Monkey began playing with my cute black beaded purse at our pew, while I was directing? I sweated it out during the "Gloria", as he fiddled with the zipper, slowly, tortuously, leaving me to wonder if he was about to yank the zipper open, spilling out my massive feminine products that only a woman who has given birth to a 10 1/2 lb baby has to wear. Or later, during that same Mass, as the same child sat in my lap and decided to - at that very moment in time - become interested in the bumps under Mommy' shirt. My shirt that day had a lower neckline. I caught it down at one point, and could only hope I did not scar the gentleman directly behind us.


Reason 10 - Dressing nicely and with clothes to fit your body will help you with self-esteem and to feel more motivated.
Hello? Did I mention my kids are the reason I am fat? I am now too poor, too stressed and too tired to even care what my fat behind looks like. Perhaps if someone ever took me out on dates, that would help. Ah hem. Just saying.

I have given my majority-of-too-small clothes 6 months to fit again, or they are gone. Whimper.

At least I have someone to blame!


Maggie said...

I'm with you!! It's all THEIR fault. I am now going to the fridge in solidarity, sister.

Lori Miller said...

You make me laugh!