Apparently, while we were whoopin' it up on the banks of the Comal and Guadeloupe Rivers this past weekend with 59 of our closest relatives (ArtGuy's side), a horde of gnats moved in to our house. Specifically, my bathroom.
Sure, there were a few the day we left. There usually are in summer. I suppose I brought them in with the fruit or they flew in when the door was opened ("C'mon, Larry! She's opening the door. Air conditioning! Fly quick! Whoo hooooo"!). No biggie, right?
ArtGuy and I gratefully got ready for bed last night, worn out from our trip, ready to sink into oblivion in our own bed before Monday slapped us in the face. As we were brushing our teeth, a few gnats flew around our heads. I told ArtGuy not to worry, as there always are a few in the summer, and I can smack gnats like nobody's business!
Then I really looked.
It was not a few gnats. It was a horde of gnats. Kind of like the Hitchcock movie, The Birds, only much smaller, and only slightly less scary.
I told ArtGuy to go on to bed. Arming myself with a flyswatter, paper towels, cleaning supplies, and a garbage bag, I shut and locked both the bathroom door and the closet door. Yeah, I am a warrior! I am Braveheart, and the gnats are the British army! "You are going down, suckas!"
I discovered their hiding place - in the cabinet under my sink. I opened the doors, and - I kid you not - a cloud of gnats flew out.
I almost barfed. I mean, I know they are not smart, and they are not going to pull me down under their collective weight. But still......eeeeuuuuuuuuwwwww!
I drew my shirt over my mouth so I could not breath them in. Then, I girded my loins (only figuratively), and went on the offensive.
Smack...SMACK....swat, swat, swat, SMACK! The mirror was soon a grisly scene of gnat stuff. They littered the counter and the double sinks. I tracked them down in the shower, on the doors, on the picture frames. I studied, and learned their hiding places and patterns of flight. I shooed them out of the cabinets and into the glare of 6 heat-throwing light bulbs.
No surrender, no mercy!
An hour later, I cleaned the bathroom (do you know how much of a mess they leave on the walls and mirrors? Have you ever really smacked these things. It was really gross, I tell you! ) and took the remains out to the trash bin.
Today there are only a few left. I am hunting them down, one by one.
So now I can add another skill to my lengthy list of Mom Skillz - Gnat Killer.