Just a Quick Shout-Out

I am very aware that my recent posts and all my facebook status (statii?) have been negative lately. Not sure what to tell you, except writing is soooo much cheaper than therapy.

It is 11am on a Wednesday morning. The older three boys are actually all working on various school assignments at the moment. No drama - for now. The Monkey, however, is wailing and gnashing his teeth in his room. I told him he could not play video games. Mean mommy.

Poor kid is not feeling well. He threw up at 10pm last night. I am grateful it did not happen in the car yesterday evening. But still, why do they always throw up after daddy goes to bed? And since ArtGuy is not exactly a "light sleeper", there went my only quiet time of the day!

But he only barfed once.

So, it could have been worse.

The combined pressure of schooling, keeping house, trying to provide meals to everyone (dinner is such a burden at the moment. I hate cooking, and the last thing I want to do every evening is spend an hour making a mess preparing something it will take my men 10 minutes to plow through. I do not have dinner for tonight. God help me!), drive everyone to where they need to be, take care of my committees, teams, and commitments - well, I am pooped!
I have friends who have large families = 6,7,8,9 children. I cannot imagine how they do it.

Well, time to let the Monkey out of his room. Maybe he will let me go in and nap?

Labor Day in My House

Today is Labor Day. Have a great holiday.

For me, Labor Day is just another day of cleaning and trying to drive it through the head's of the people I live with that

• I am not their maid
• I am not their servant
• that they do not clean up after themselves just to keep me from getting angry (and they usually only clean after I AM angry), but because they need to be responsible for their own messes. That way, when I DO clean up after them, it is a gift from me to them, not the last-ditch effort to hold to my sanity.

It is one of those days. ArtGuy is in Virginia for a family wedding, which is great for him, but sucks for me.

It has been years since I had a real vacation. I am really feeling the strain of that.

Searching for joy and meaning. Somehow, I have lost my hold on these things.

I know - everyone tells me this is a phase, and some day the kids will be grown and gone, and I will look back on these days with nostalgia. I understand what they mean, and appreciate the encouragement. But my father and sister both died at 42. They didn't get to "those days". Not that I am predicting an early demise for myself, but I just know that long life is not a guarantee. Some times it scares me that this may be all I have. I want to know joy again.
But of course, this attitude just makes me feel like a terrible mother. What kind of mother needs regular breaks from their children? Not that I get breaks, but it sure feels like that would be what I need. Breaks from my kids, and time with my husband. I know, I know - to quote one of my favorite movies, The Castle - "She's dreamin'"!

Well, maybe this rant is enough to just get me through the day. Cheaper than therapy!